Archives: Squeezing the Squirrel

  • When: 20180512
  • QIC: Space Monkey
  • The PAX: Screen Door, Buoy, Bachelor Pad, Deflator, Gunner, Space Monkey
  • Many moons ago, YHC had a failed attempt at humor during a beatdown and said, “squeezing the squirrel.”  I no longer remember the context but had held on to that phrase in the hopes that, on one bright shiny day, an epiphany would occur during which an activity could be linked to this amazing blip of prose.  Well, that day, which is likely (add an “un” before that if you are a doubter) to live in infamy, was Saturday, May 12, at Ironclad.  Here is what went down.


    Side straddle hops (in cadence, IC, 30); Don Quixotes (IC, 10); shoulder circles (IC, 10 each direction); Otter Crunches (see definition below, IC, 30); sumo squats (IC, 15)

    The otter, a near-mythical beast, is a smart river (and sea) dweller.  It uses tools (rocks) to break open shellfish that are neatly placed on its belly.  The PAX where given an amazing demonstration of how to turn this motion into an exercise to turn our otter bellies into rocks.  In a crunch position, with your arms over your head and your legs slightly extended, bring your knees toward your head while bringing your arms over your head and touch your hands to your stomach. Bam!  Shellfish cracked, abs rock-hard, or, mine would be if there wasn’t my ever-necessary layer of insulation to keep me warm.  Anyway … on with the beatdown.


    Mosey over to the Marriott parking garage.  A jog up the ramps where YHC was looking for the right level to perform our main event.  Each PAX picked an exercise to perform in a corner at each level of the parking garage.  With my feng shui feeling off and a clear lack of vitamin D, the only level that felt right was the top level, so to level 6 we went.

    Squeezing the Squirrel

    After much anticipation, here it is.  Each level of the parking garage can be considered to make a capital J.  Starting from the top of the J, one PAX would be the squirrel and had to run to the other end of the J, around the corner, touch the far wall, and return.  Meanwhile, the remaining PAX would perform an exercise for a specific number of reps.  Once the reps were completed, the PAX would begin to lunge-walk toward the “squirrel.”  When the squirrel met back up with the PAX, the rep-count would reset and the PAX would again perform that same exercise for that same number of reps before lunge walking again.  In doing so, the distance the squirrel would run decreased each time the squirrel met up with the PAX.  If the squirrel caught up to the PAX before they completed their reps, the squirrel would “escape.”  If the PAX rounded the corner, the squirrel would be “caught.”  Each PAX got a chance to be the squirrel and the exercises were: burpees, WW2 situps, Carolina dry docks, Peter Parkers without merkins, crunchy frogs, and Freddy Mercury’s.  Ultimately, 3 squirrels escaped and 3 were caught.

    As this was the day before Mother’s Day, we paid homage to the women in our lives by performing a M.O.M. on the 5th and 3rd levels.  This consisted of 30 merkins, 30 2-count otter crunches, and 30 2-count mountain climbers.  With this completed, we moseyed back to the flags.

    Countarama and Namarama

    I didn’t have much to say beyond the idea that we were getting ready to celebrate all of the moms in our lives.  The bible teaches us two important things about this.  One is to honor our father and Mother.  That is simple.  Two is to treat our wives with the same love and sacrifice that Jesus showed the church.  That one may be a bit harder at times.

    With Buoy’s new technology, this was determined to be the first beatdown that surpassed the 1,000 calorie mark.  Gauntlet thrown!